Christmas Drabbles!

[silverwolfcc]

OPTIONS! Pick (at least) two character(s); highly suggested is one of yours & mine, but others are acceptable too, including just one character if you'd like!
My characters are Marco & Smoker of One Piece
Fujiko of Lupin III
But any Whitebeard pirates can be done, almost all marines, or One Piece gen, ditto Lupin III, and crack for almost all fandoms, but if I don't know the fandom, it'll be based on your RP character.

Then you may pick a genre of the following (optional):
Fantasy/Fairy Tale
Crack
Adventure
Crime/Mystery/Drama
Alternate Universe
Comedy! (Might be crack-like)
Fluff!
Angst/Horror/Dark

Then a prompt. It can be anything from a random behind the scenes moment, to random headcanon, or you can just use the random word generator to get a random word and use that!

Drabbles will be anywhere between 3 sentences and a couple hundred words, I'll generally be aiming at not going overboard because ahahaha >> I do that. MERRY CHRISTMAS!! / HAPPY HANNUKAH / HAPPY NEW YEAR / ENJOY ALL THE HOLIDAYS EVER AND SUCH :D

Comments

[thegreatataru]

Ilyana and Smoker
Crack

Prompt: http://images.plurk.com/6JpJWcAsDwqPZLMxUurRDm.jpg ... and the losing there of xD Smoker seems to be good at giving this talk anyways >:3

GFDI WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY CHARACTERS GIVING THESE TALKS?! / Rated. IDK. R? Definitely not Mags-safe

[silverwolfcc]

I hate you Moosey, I hate you Moosey, I hate you Moosey, I hate you Moosey. I swear. I SWEAR if you make me give your kids the sex talks I will scar them for life just to make you deal with them. @_@

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"Are you sure you don't have anyone else who could do this better?" Smoker frowned, rubbed his face, and then his temples. Anyone would be better than him to explain this sort of thing. After trying to explain it to Kohaku, he was more sure of that than ever before.

Ilyana pouted, "I'm sure. It's not the kind of thing I can ask anyone else," she explained.

Smoker dragged his palm down his face, "What's the farthesst you have experience with right now?"

The young mage hesitated, "Exactly zero? Um, I've been on a date or two... to get food..."

The wall nearby felt nice and hard against Smoker's head as he repeatedly slammed his forehead into it. "Seriously, I don't know who told you I am good at explaining this sort of thing, but they're wrong. I'm better at handling more extreme forms of foreplay or kinks, all right?" Wait. What the fuck did that even mean? Why did he say that? Now they would probably start sending him idiots with questions about how to use cuffs in ways that don't involve arresting pirates instead of just "borrowing" the cuffs without permission.

His poor seastone cuffs, they would never be clean of the taint, no matter how hard he scrubbed or how long he boiled them.

"What's foreplay?" Ilyana wore a confused frown.

Smoker dragged his palm down his face, again.

Bar none, this was his least favorite part of being an officer. Even the paperwork was more pleasant than this. He took in a deep soothing breath of cigar smoke and opened his mouth to try to rush through the information as quickly as possible. "Things done before the actual intercourse as a means to better stimulate erogenous areas." Fuck his life. Fuck his life. Fuck his life. But right now? Preferably not literally. Smoker gestured vaguely with a gloved finger. "Neck, ears, breasts, thighs, hips," he stopped gesturing and gave a bored look at the window, ticking it off on his fingers. "Ass and clit too. You can use mouth, fingers, or toys, whatever the person or you both are into."

"T-toys?" Ilyana squeaked.

Smoker waved his hand, "Don't worry about that for now. In actual sex, penetration is involved either with fingers, penis, or tongue. Got it?"

No words.

Good. Smoker preferred not to have to deal with that right now.

"It's better to have sex with someone you actually love or care about, but some people are less picky than others," he grumbled.

"What? Why would they be--?" Ilyana started.

Smoker sighed, in heavy exasperation, "Just like how you're less picky about food because you have to eat so much more than other people. Some people feel like they're starving sexually and don't want to wait, others are maybe just hungrier sexually, whatever. The point is, it's usually better if you are into it intellectually or emotionally because your brain is the more important organ in sex. And if not for you, than for the other person. So remember it."

Ilyana stared a little and then pressed her fingers to her temples and repeated it softly to herself, trying to commit to memory.

Smoker nodded, almost glad that it was sinking in, "That said, it can also cause a lot of..." he coughed. DAMN. He was so close to finishing just ONE of these talks without blushing. Come on Smoker, hold it together! His ears turned pink, "Kinks. Fetishes. Whatever." His brain unhelpfully supplied him with mental images he neither needed nor wanted. He closes his eyes try to think and in order to not. Fucking. Blush! "You might not know your own until you experiment around."

"E-Experiment..." she frowned very uncertainly.

A muscle in Smoker's cheek twitched, and he did his best to keep steady. "Right. Just if you find a girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever, make sure you're in the same place at the same time. Not just physically I mean. Well physically, yes, but also --" Fuck. He'd lost it now. He turned bright red and covered his face with a gloved hand. "That you both want the same things. And you should go as slowly as you're both comfortable with." He was just repeating rote information from the marines to give their men now. He really really really hated this damn talk. "Anymore questions?" PLEASE GOD LET IT END.

"J-just one," Ilyana hesitated, clearly unsure whether she should ask it.

The hand not covering his red face drummed fingers on Smoker's desk, "Yes?" he demanded gruffly.

"Y-you mentioned appetites?" Smoker didn't even have to look up to know the puzzled frown she wore, "Is food involved, sir?"

"With some kinks and foreplay maybe," Smoker shrugged and leaned back. That wasn't so bad.

Unfortunately he hadn't forseen this problem coming. Ilyana's eyes lit up, "YAY FOOD! So I can get food by having sex?"

Smoker sat straight up, WHAT KIND OF MONSTER HAD HE CREATED?!


----

The end. :|

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE?! THIS IS HILARIOUSLY TERRIBLE AND WE SHOULD FEEL BAD!

[tapdancinskelly]

This is Smoker

This is Ilyana

This is Brook

And this is you


I am so sorry... but it was still hilarious, and I was just expecting something along the lines of him just telling her to wait until she was ready or something. Or like... I don't know xD Not quite this!