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Smoker/Keitha weee
Jul. 20th, 2006 03:09 amAnother night, another migraine, another series of weeks of nightmares (Keith . . . I lied because I didn't want you worrying, but it's actually been close to 2 months of nightmares now but until last night they were managable...ish) and another late night attempt to avoid ALL of it... even though it is all of course more inevitable than death and taxes.
I had gone to bed, and after moving my sleeping bag so my head was on the other end, remembering that I hadn't taken my lexapro (which could REALLY be adding to the nightmares actually) I got up to get my Mom's help with the meds (the bottle had been missing and every time I move I want to die from pain) and then couldn't sleep... too afraid to sleep to be honest. I don't know if it's the bed even or just the attempt to sleep and knowing that nightmares await... I HATE nightmares. They almost never wake me up on their own, and I don't cry or scream from them anymore... just continue through them TERRIFIED, horrified, helpless and still trying. I'll even wind up saying the rosary in them over and over with literally demons laughing at my attempts.... :|
And that is why I'm feeling especially keen to write some Smoker fanfic... In my Keitha version of me (muse me? whatever) he's kind of the only thing that keeps away my nightmares (until Zoro) and in real life... this is true too. The Smoker dreams over-ride the nightmares so I'm not too terrified to sleep... not scared that I'll be spending the next 12 hours tossing and turning fitfully, waking up 8 times but too tired to get up for real, and each time a worse occurring nightmare.
Of course WITH the previously mentioned migraine, all things hurt. My existence hurts. So anyways, I took more Ultracet (have I ever typed up my Ode to Ultracet? I think I've written about a dozen of them by now... I REALLY love that medicine.) and I'm WAY too scared to sleep. So I'm reading the One Piece Yaoi archives and I think I'll work on more Smoker/Keitha. Only you know what? I don't feel like writing the away-fight part. Sure it's important set-up for the next part but I really just don't feel like it. I want to write the FUN part so that's what I'm going to do right now. The other part is actually kind of fun, but I can do that anytime. This one I'm hoping my muse will take as bait and come save me from my nightmares :(
( So what is your type, Smoker? )
Bed for now... possibly nightmare free... with any luck. Random note, I love Ben/Shanks pairing. I really really do ^_^
Update of 8/26/06: *giggles* I <3 teasing Smoker. It's like my muse decides to get as much revenge for every guy that has ever teased me in all my life...
I had gone to bed, and after moving my sleeping bag so my head was on the other end, remembering that I hadn't taken my lexapro (which could REALLY be adding to the nightmares actually) I got up to get my Mom's help with the meds (the bottle had been missing and every time I move I want to die from pain) and then couldn't sleep... too afraid to sleep to be honest. I don't know if it's the bed even or just the attempt to sleep and knowing that nightmares await... I HATE nightmares. They almost never wake me up on their own, and I don't cry or scream from them anymore... just continue through them TERRIFIED, horrified, helpless and still trying. I'll even wind up saying the rosary in them over and over with literally demons laughing at my attempts.... :|
And that is why I'm feeling especially keen to write some Smoker fanfic... In my Keitha version of me (muse me? whatever) he's kind of the only thing that keeps away my nightmares (until Zoro) and in real life... this is true too. The Smoker dreams over-ride the nightmares so I'm not too terrified to sleep... not scared that I'll be spending the next 12 hours tossing and turning fitfully, waking up 8 times but too tired to get up for real, and each time a worse occurring nightmare.
Of course WITH the previously mentioned migraine, all things hurt. My existence hurts. So anyways, I took more Ultracet (have I ever typed up my Ode to Ultracet? I think I've written about a dozen of them by now... I REALLY love that medicine.) and I'm WAY too scared to sleep. So I'm reading the One Piece Yaoi archives and I think I'll work on more Smoker/Keitha. Only you know what? I don't feel like writing the away-fight part. Sure it's important set-up for the next part but I really just don't feel like it. I want to write the FUN part so that's what I'm going to do right now. The other part is actually kind of fun, but I can do that anytime. This one I'm hoping my muse will take as bait and come save me from my nightmares :(
( So what is your type, Smoker? )
Bed for now... possibly nightmare free... with any luck. Random note, I love Ben/Shanks pairing. I really really do ^_^
Update of 8/26/06: *giggles* I <3 teasing Smoker. It's like my muse decides to get as much revenge for every guy that has ever teased me in all my life...
