It's 9:00... no, not pm, am of course or why would I care? I seem to recall a LOT of whining about how I hate mornings in journal entries... this stands true. I really do. I hate staying up too late UNTIL then and I hate waking up too early so that I experience them. I hate mornings.
Maybe I'm just cranky because last night I was SO sure I hit on the nail with my muse and found a way to get her to come back thanks to Keith's help but no... the nightmares continue.... with symbolism!
... I like symbolism... I do.... Just you know... not. :| The only good point of symbolism is analyzing it which can be oh so fun in books where the plot and characterization absolutely suck and you've got nothing better to enjoy in the story since even the setting makes you want to blow your brains out (I did mention I'm cranky right?) Well the whole drinking like gallons of water a lot through the dream has been a common thing so I looked it up. Apparently it means I thirst for something but this is usually a good thing :| I also ate cereal in the dream... which is only semi-weird if I think about it but *shrug* And apparently that symbolizes starting a new project.
Altogether could mean my muse is laughing at me saying that I'm thirsting for her to come back and when/if she does she's going to surprise me and it won't be about Smoker at all and everything I thought I knew will be BLAM! Out the window.
I want that new BNL cd.
But both of those are supposed to be GOOD symbols so let's see... I'm thirsting for writing? Which I've been doing here and there and yay new writing project. Suddenly life just got boring.
I NEED x infinity my muse back.... SO much.... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh *cries* WHY!?! What did I do to make her leave me?! Does she want chocolate? Smoker? Sabres? Pokemon? WHAT DOES SHE WANT?! o_O Sadly... I think she just wants to torture me. That whole S&M thing... and since this is obviously the best way to currently drive me insane...
But I really really need her back. I can't sleep. Nightmares... scary. All night... scary. . . no sleep. I got like 5 hours last night O_o that's nowhere near enough for me. And now I need pick-me-ups to shake loose the terrors of the night before and let me tell you... I've run out. I've run out of opyaoi archives, I LOATHE sifting through fanfics until I find the gems (I count onepieceyaoi as a very large pile of gems in and of itself since rare is the story I don't like in there... as opposed to the horrors of fanfiction.net in which a list of 50 makes me weep for humanity and all the depraved souls) I've got like no money (Technically I actually have a little under a $100 but that's my entire September fund unless I get birthday money and it's SUPPOSED to go for motorcycle and jacket but I haven't set aside yet because something tells me I'll need it and breaking into the P-Chan bank is a hassle requiring screwdriver and tweezers) and buying manga isn't the best idea right now... Plus I should just hold out and wait for the BNL cd to buy anything...
All I feel like is wiggling around on the floor Sanji style going, "Sky Island scary. . . Sky Island scary. . . Sky Island scary" until someone takes pity on me and throws a blanket on me so they don't have to see me anymore :|
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