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Sep. 19th, 2006 12:59 amThings I need in life (in order as thought up)
1. Kyle. Nothing need more be said but just in case; he's perfect and when I'm around him the world isn't perfect but it's still all ok. It's redundant to say I love him but I'll say it again. I love you Kyle.
2. Moosey. Always makes me laugh, got my back as much as I've got his and sometimes it's just so good to have someone who thinks exactly the same way you do. And who can do the Smoker voice ;)
3. My Mom. Because I'm helpless and dependent. I loathe being dependent but I KNOW it's too much of my own pride and I have vowed to work on it and accept it while not "giving in".
4. Other friends. If you're looking for a shout-out I make no garuntees and this isn't really supposed to be a list about people but... Keith, Leane, Sarah, Brian, Dad, Greg S, HAC, Ikki, Pillow, Rainy, Tasuki, Grandparents, Laura etc. The thing is, I don't mean to offend anyone BUT I do think I could live without individuals on it, though not without everyone on a whole.
5. Manga. Because I need to read and without being able to read regular books (migraines) manga is DEFINITELY the next best thing.
6. Epic Fantasy series (really long) to take the edge off things and because I NEED to be doing things. I wish I could be more at peace in my own skin but I'm very not.
7. Music. BNL to John Williams to One Piece to Meatloaf, I need music in one form or another very frequently.
8. My muse. If she permanently left I really do fear I'd get suicidal >_> Kyle and Pat could probably keep me back from the brink but I'd be horribly depressed and it'd be unfun. Just watch how cranky and irritable and snippy I got near the end of the 3 1/2 months I had all nightmares. And the only thing that didn't make that even worse muse-wise was that I could at least write.
9. TV. Sad but true. I hate TV but I love movies and I think I love noise even more. Which is ridiculous but it really does help in my "doing" of something if only on a distraction basis. Why do I always have to distract myself? *sigh*
10. Trees. This might be even crazier than the TV but EXTREMELY true. Being in wooded areas restores some of my soul in a way and I hate being anywhere on land where I can't see one. I'm never living in a desert. Ever. Or NYC. Sure there's trees but the buildings are so high that depending on the block you live you could go DAYS without seeing one and that would ... kill me. :| ** The only time it doesn't bother me is on the ocean but that's because I think I have enough nature THAT way that it evens out or something
11. One Piece. Wow, sad. But true. I need Eiichiro Oda's pirates and the music and the plots and the characters and ALL of it. Neeeeeeeed.
12. Ocean. <3 the ocean. I want to for at LEAST one summer live entirely on a cruise ship. I obviously can't be a fisherman but I love being on the ocean and I'm still shocked that I don't get seasick but I don't. And I love the really big ships (even though you can't feel the rock as much and I do kind of really like the sway). Maybe I can get a job as a maid or something sometime when I just need to take a mini-break and WRITE. Then I can work my shift and spend the rest of my time looking out on the ocean writing and reading and watching One Piece. That seems more than perfect to me.
13. Ultracet and Lexapro. Lexapro is the only preventative I notice any difference with but it is a huge one and it helps me with the fibromyalgia and anziety attacks.
14. Internet. I like being able to connect with people despite being sick and not having to push myself to actually go hang out and even though they're across the country (or world). I like having easy access to yaoi at my fingertips and being able to share whatever crap writing I've been working on. I like games. I want Pearl and Diamond so I can play online. >_< Roar.
15. My imagination. Sometimes more than anything I just need to pretend Kyle's still sitting next to me where I can't help but feel he belongs or envision two lovers at sunset or visually picture an ocean night sky with all the stars and the soft crashing of the waves and absolutely no land in sight but everything still and perfect. And desperately need to remember that in many ways that's how things SHOULD be. That God did make everything beautiful and humans CAN reflect it, even if they don't always and that good CAN conquer bad. Even if it is just my imagination, I still need that. I still need to cling to it.
1. Kyle. Nothing need more be said but just in case; he's perfect and when I'm around him the world isn't perfect but it's still all ok. It's redundant to say I love him but I'll say it again. I love you Kyle.
2. Moosey. Always makes me laugh, got my back as much as I've got his and sometimes it's just so good to have someone who thinks exactly the same way you do. And who can do the Smoker voice ;)
3. My Mom. Because I'm helpless and dependent. I loathe being dependent but I KNOW it's too much of my own pride and I have vowed to work on it and accept it while not "giving in".
4. Other friends. If you're looking for a shout-out I make no garuntees and this isn't really supposed to be a list about people but... Keith, Leane, Sarah, Brian, Dad, Greg S, HAC, Ikki, Pillow, Rainy, Tasuki, Grandparents, Laura etc. The thing is, I don't mean to offend anyone BUT I do think I could live without individuals on it, though not without everyone on a whole.
5. Manga. Because I need to read and without being able to read regular books (migraines) manga is DEFINITELY the next best thing.
6. Epic Fantasy series (really long) to take the edge off things and because I NEED to be doing things. I wish I could be more at peace in my own skin but I'm very not.
7. Music. BNL to John Williams to One Piece to Meatloaf, I need music in one form or another very frequently.
8. My muse. If she permanently left I really do fear I'd get suicidal >_> Kyle and Pat could probably keep me back from the brink but I'd be horribly depressed and it'd be unfun. Just watch how cranky and irritable and snippy I got near the end of the 3 1/2 months I had all nightmares. And the only thing that didn't make that even worse muse-wise was that I could at least write.
9. TV. Sad but true. I hate TV but I love movies and I think I love noise even more. Which is ridiculous but it really does help in my "doing" of something if only on a distraction basis. Why do I always have to distract myself? *sigh*
10. Trees. This might be even crazier than the TV but EXTREMELY true. Being in wooded areas restores some of my soul in a way and I hate being anywhere on land where I can't see one. I'm never living in a desert. Ever. Or NYC. Sure there's trees but the buildings are so high that depending on the block you live you could go DAYS without seeing one and that would ... kill me. :| ** The only time it doesn't bother me is on the ocean but that's because I think I have enough nature THAT way that it evens out or something
11. One Piece. Wow, sad. But true. I need Eiichiro Oda's pirates and the music and the plots and the characters and ALL of it. Neeeeeeeed.
12. Ocean. <3 the ocean. I want to for at LEAST one summer live entirely on a cruise ship. I obviously can't be a fisherman but I love being on the ocean and I'm still shocked that I don't get seasick but I don't. And I love the really big ships (even though you can't feel the rock as much and I do kind of really like the sway). Maybe I can get a job as a maid or something sometime when I just need to take a mini-break and WRITE. Then I can work my shift and spend the rest of my time looking out on the ocean writing and reading and watching One Piece. That seems more than perfect to me.
13. Ultracet and Lexapro. Lexapro is the only preventative I notice any difference with but it is a huge one and it helps me with the fibromyalgia and anziety attacks.
14. Internet. I like being able to connect with people despite being sick and not having to push myself to actually go hang out and even though they're across the country (or world). I like having easy access to yaoi at my fingertips and being able to share whatever crap writing I've been working on. I like games. I want Pearl and Diamond so I can play online. >_< Roar.
15. My imagination. Sometimes more than anything I just need to pretend Kyle's still sitting next to me where I can't help but feel he belongs or envision two lovers at sunset or visually picture an ocean night sky with all the stars and the soft crashing of the waves and absolutely no land in sight but everything still and perfect. And desperately need to remember that in many ways that's how things SHOULD be. That God did make everything beautiful and humans CAN reflect it, even if they don't always and that good CAN conquer bad. Even if it is just my imagination, I still need that. I still need to cling to it.
