(no subject)

I went off my meds again. Not on purpose of course; I ran out and the new ones had to be cut only I couldn't cut them so my Mom said she would (when we finally did get them from the pharmacy) and then she lost them :| Luckily they are finally replaced as of tonight but it was a very un-fun bit of time and mostly likely why I've been feeling spazzy and grumpy (and could it add to the nightmares? I still kind of feel like it's my muse's fault) My Muse and I were actually having a fight. I'm not sure how that's possible since you know... she's part of me and not actually um... metaphysical? In any case we made up again finally and I think she's okay again (she'd be more okay if I was more ok ha ha)

But I need to remember every time I get upset/grumpy/depressed etc. There are some very very easy ways to fix it instead of letting it get worse for no apparent reason. The best way is music. But it has to be uber-happy music. And not happy in a way that comes after something depressing but truly happy and not in any way UN-happy. To that end I need a list. A list of songs that no matter how grumpy/depressed I get I can put on and feel better

1. Bon Voyage -- One Piece
2. Ano Basho e -- One Piece
3. Memories -- One Piece

Yes that is all I have. Because I can't think of them. It's a work in progress.

So my muse and I want to write again I think. I hope. I'm sleepy but I personally am re-terrified of nightmares. I need a better prevention method it would seem....

(no subject)

lol post 2 of the night... it takes me being pretty sleepy to really be able to understand my muse/subconcious sometimes.

The dream wasn't so much a lecture from my muse as self-fulfilling prophecy. I was spazzing out so much in the dream itself about a dream (within the dream) about hypothetically plausibly cheating on Kyle that I made myself psycho and psycho in real life because of it. When the real lesson is so obvious I could kick myself.

It's just a dream!

lol. I love you Kyle, you KNOW how much I love you, you never have need to worry about me. You will anyways, but dreams are ... immaterial. It doesn't matter. People in dreams are all just representations of people in real life or even just different aspects of yourself. If I make out with a dog in a dream, well it's a crazy-ass weird dream.

I need to get a grip lol *yawns*

I feel way better. My muse is kind of like "yeah no duh!" but relieved (instead of sort of tense as she/we have been all day) and I know what I need to do to fix the nightmares. STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT. lol... if I'm grumpy and spazzing out and feeling terrified all day long of course it's going to reflect in my dreams and then that only makes me worse the next day. Never-ending cycle. But I can just get over it. I shake off real-life problems easier than my nightmares! That's CRAZY. *shakes head at self* And so I'm going to stop stressing it. It's small, it's silly. *yawn* I will not be terrified of going to sleep because my dreams can be wonderful. And if they're not; they're still just dreams and the sleep will make me feel better for the next day no matter what.

Now if I keep reminding myself this for the next two months it might even start to stick. ;)

In any case I have a GOAL. To work on being HAPPY on going to bed. Not stressing/worrying/scared/sad/or any of it. Happy. About all the things I'm happy about otherwise. Jeez it's so easy and I spazzed out so much I completely missed the obvious.

Besides my muse is back so life is good :)

*dances about to One Piece music*